I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
