I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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