I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
