Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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