we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
