A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
4 words: hood of his car
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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