Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
