i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
