Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im holly from the hills drunk
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
