My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
