new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
