You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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