and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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