Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dicks are not precious.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
