Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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