Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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