woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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