I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
