After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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