I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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