i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize