I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
