I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
