If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
