I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
