the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
