STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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