Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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