6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
