at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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