Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
