Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize