I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
