I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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