Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
