no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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