So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize