then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
