I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
