I wish my penis had an off switch
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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