Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
