I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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