i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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