textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
