So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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