Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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