apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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