I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
