dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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