Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
