She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
