The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
