Who wears a wallet chain?!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
