Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
