I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
