She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
should my penis look like a turkey
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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