Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
