forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
