I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
