i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
