is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
