I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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