craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
