im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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