Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
