I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
