It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
