Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
