it wasn't lemon gatorade
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
