I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize