Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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