college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
