I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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