I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
