she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
